Day 2 of the New Year

This will be another short post, being I’m still feeling as crummy as ever 😦

Pleased with my success with overcoming temptation yesterday by not online shopping, I’ve decided to take a similar route for my resolution today.

Today I vow not to weigh myself. Which, if you know me, is like asking me not pet my dog or kiss my boyfriend. Gut-wrenchingly hard. Since my junior year of high school, I’ve had an unhealthy obsession with my weight, to the point it’s affected how I allowed myself to feel every single day the number wasn’t what I had hoped it would be. When I can’t weigh, I’m anxious, nervous and uncomfortable, and can’t let myself relax or enjoy what the day has brought. I’ve even brought my scales on vacations and on weekend get a ways. (I once snuck it in a suitcase on a road trip with friends, not letting them know I brought it). My attachment to my scale is like a drunks to a bottle of vodka, without it I don’t feel right, whole or complete. And I know how unhealthy that is, and I know how my weight fluctuates and that the number does not come close to representing who I am, but still, I weigh, compulsively and additively, 3-4 times a day.

So today, I have taken my scale and locked it in the closet, not allowing myself to weigh even just once. Already, it’s been nearly impossible. I’ve walked by the closet more times than I’ve needed to and almost broke in and used it at least twice (and it’s nearly noon).

But I vow to not give up and live today, and hopefully many more days to come, without knowing, or caring, what that little number reads.

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~ by therealnutritionist on January 2, 2010.

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