Days 23-26: Life has been BUSY!

I disappeared again, i know. I’m sorry! But trust me, this isn’t the only aspect of my life I’ve been disappearing from. No matter how hard I try, i just can not seem to get a grasp on everything. i have some things nailed down and etched in stone, and then the others are so far from my reach i feel like i might lose them. It’s like they are a balloon I let slip from my fingers that is now soaring just above my reach. It’s so scary knowing you might lose people, relationships and dreams you love because time has worked so hard against you.

 But I refuse to let time be my biggest enemy, so instead, i’m going to work with it, in hopes we’ll be running down parallel tracks for a while.

While I was fading in and out of conciousness, I still kept true to my mini-lutions. However, one feat was far too large for just a day, even two, so it was my resolution for days 23, 24 and 25, and it was to find happiness in each day. The 23rd wasn’t a good day. I was upset, sad, regretful, anxious, a mix of every negative emotion. Let me prelude this by saying I have a really great mentor at work who has really been there for me through my roughest hours at the job. Well on that day, she saw in my face just how low someone could feel. So she called me into her office and asked me, point-blank, why I was such a mess. [I should also mention how brutally honest she is]. So I told her what I was feeling, how I couldn’t seem to let it go. She nodded her head in agreement, “i know that feeling, I’ve been there.” Which seemed shocking to me since she was never without a smile. And just like she could read my mind, she responded. “i know i may always seem cherry, but on the inside/ I’m struggling with the same things you are. Somedays, I wake up and wonder how my life would have changed had i not followed the path I’m on. But i don’t have enough energy to fuel thoughts like that, so instead, each day, i think of something to be happy about. It could be good coffee, a laugh or my husband, but I think of that and it gets me through the hard times.” She also said the key to this is to think of something new everyday, then on your way to work, recite it, as well as the days before. [Which is why this resolution is more than a day, i knew I needed a few days worth of happy thoughts to get me through my funk.] So on my way out of her office, I recited in my head that I was happy to have such a great confidant at work. And the 24th, I was happy for my morning cup of coffee and bitch session w/ my friend (as well as my confidant) and the 25th I was happy for not having to drive in DC traffic. Well, those happy thoughts didn’t eradicate my sour mood, but they boosted it and they’ve kind of become a routine now =) [Like today, I’m happy to have a cozy home that shields me from the insane snow outside].

my poor doggy!

Day 26: Workout, even w/ a broken arm! I’ve become the little engine that can’t, due to my slight injury. Which is incredibly pathetic when I think about. I’m preventing myself from working out all because I have a slight fracture in my left elbow. This whole defeatist attitude has also allowed for a few extra lbs around my waistline, gross. Although I can’t run, I can do weights on my legs and sit ups, which hurt like he**, since its been longer than I’d hoped since my last workout. But until my arm is fully heeled and I can run, swim, and do body pump, my squats and crunches will have to suffice! I need these abs by june!

I’ll update the rest tomorrow! [From my work notebook that is more like my paper blog these days].

~ by therealnutritionist on January 31, 2010.

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